The sky took the form of scales that had been shed. The reptile or fish has aged, a new cycle has begun. The sun brightened blood from underneath, indicating a hunt or violent battle had recently occurred. Birds flock without fear like black freckles on the smoky dead skin of a productive life that has been forgotten. Time moves on as if nothing happened, only to repeat itself tomorrow.
Two teenagers, sitting in a potential hazard, puddles surround. They’re too young to be true rebels. One has blond strands combed across his forehead and a pastel tank top as if November didn’t matter. The other: a hat reversed, thick frames for good vision, testing out the recently fixed wheel of his skateboard by coasting down the arroyo under a bridge and into black uncertain danger.
“I got a feeling, I can’t get over.”
-Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats, “Wasting Time”
It has been around two years since I’ve been sick. You would know that if you read Healthy Living For People Too Busy to Care, but I understand you may just be hearing about it now after accidently stumbling upon this site. Good for you, productively wasting time. I, on the other hand, wasn’t the last couple of days.
I know, this is exactly what you didn’t want, another person spreading germs via the internet. Cough cough. Don’t worry, you can take the surgical mask off, because no matter how much you believe the connection is real, it’s not. We’re here to talk about the value of wasting time, and getting over the fact that you don’t have to be productive every second of your life.
As I rested on the couch these last two days, I thought to myself, “How much Law & Order: SVU is too much Law & Order: SVU”?
OLIVIA: Why did you do it?
ME: I don’t know what you’re talking about. You have the wrong guy!
OLIVIA: We found your hair samples on that couch.
ME: The couch is lying. It drugged me with over-the-counter medicine, tempted me with comfort, and forced me on top. It was drunk with power!
OLIVIA: It’s over; we have all we need to put you away for a long time. You’re never going to hurt another couch again.
COUCH: Dude, be quiet, I’m trying to sleep.
ME: Sorry, couch. Bad dream.
COUCH: Whatever. And would you get off me? You’re too heavy.
ME: Don’t be mean; I’m sick.
COUCH: Ugh. Get over it already.
I’m the type of person who needs to be doing something, so being out of commission really takes a toll on my mental stability (as you can see). However, when your body is telling you to rest, you need to rest. It’s difficult; I couldn’t move my fingers to write or play the piano, I couldn’t gather enough strength to tidy up the house or go for a walk, and don’t get me started on the struggles of going to the kitchen or bathroom. Whatever this bug was, it had me contained, but unfortunately, that’s kind of a good thing.
As I mentioned earlier, I haven’t been sick in about two years, but catching a cold isn’t the worst thing in the world. Sometimes you just have to let your immune system do its thing and let your body cycle through the illness. Yes, it sucks, but wasting time is relative. I believe that when you’re sick it opens your eyes to how much time you really throw away. You claim, “I could be doing so much right now,” when, in fact, you’re doing exactly what you would be doing if you weren’t sick: sitting on the couch and watching television. My body needed rest and it got it for the most part.
A word of advice to everyone: DO NOT GO ANYWHERE IF YOU’RE SICK. Just like reading the blog, no one gives a shit if you’re not feeling well, and no one is falling for your cry for sympathy. I got sick because one of my co-workers came in everyday last week and complained about how sick they were. Then two of my friends, one being sick and the other inadvertently being a carrier of her boyfriend’s cold, came over to our house on Saturday. Lastly, I went to an 8-year-old’s birthday party at a bowling alley Saturday night – nothing regarding that statement sounds healthy.
What did we learn from this pointless post? Not a damn thing considering it was a big waste of time. To recap: It’s not the end of the world when you get sick so let your body do its thing, and don’t spread your germs just because you want attention. Do it behind the safety of a computer screen.
I’ve never witnessed a wave atop a mountain until now, and the gray layer that hides the crest is monstrous. It covers the moon though the light fights for survival. The ridge of the fog approaches, drops of rain crackle on the buildings and flood the grounds. How I yearn for the peak, yearn for assurance. The trees are dark, the tunnel is hypnotizing, and the cloud moves in to suffocate more land.
He’s a squirrely fellow; I can’t seem to tell if his odor derives from his mouth or body. He fidgets a lot, shakes his hands as if a vice is needed. I’ve been observing him for some time and he has the tendency to whistle and stretch much too often.
His devious smile and snicker show his age, but the experience in his wrinkles does not offer worthy wisdom. He suffered a rough past, and hides his body’s softness to maintain an image that has run its course.
He attempts to conceal worry, yet it just creates suspicion.
“And cover me, Cause I’ve been branded, I’ve lost my mind.”
-Candlebox, “Cover Me”
I’m a strong supporter of cover songs because usually – usually – bands either put a unique twist on a classic or sometimes make the original a little better with a new sound. I could provide you with a list, but it could go on for a while – feel free to leave a comment if you want some rockin’ suggestions.
Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies make their living off their ska versions of hits, and Justin Mauriello put out one of my favorite cover albums, Justin Sings The Hits. I know, super original album title. Also, we’re all well aware that rap artists use beats from older songs, and even Lady Antelbellum’s new hit, You Look Good, briefly included the chorus of Bill Withers’ Use Me during an award-show performance. Then you have to think, what would life be like without the great, drunk, or humorous karaoke performances people embarrassingly struggle through? Awful, that’s what. Lastly, we must recognize the carefree tone-deaf individuals who save their belting for the shower and car. The artists thank you for the tribute, and we thank you for keeping it to yourself.
That brings us to our issue: some people don’t keep their talent to themselves. YouTube and social media has truly taken the uniqueness out of the individual and entertainment. Having a good voice is nothing nowadays – just like if you won a million bucks you could blow through it pretty quickly and you don’t even have to try. Everything has become devalued, but we can do a whole series on that direction of society. No? Okay good. I don’t feel like working that hard at the moment. Anyway, to prove my point, why do you think reality singing competitions and talent shows can have a new season every year? Because there’s that many people out there who have talent. The real question is, what puts you ahead of the rest?
Becoming a sensation is easy as long as you have a camera and a microphone – which are both on your phone by the way. Even easier! It’s also easy because – and I think I’ve mentioned this before – we have too many people who believe that average things are amazing. Reference: “An Observation Concerning… People Loving Amazing Things” on this amazing blog. See what I did there? It will come to you.
The main reason behind this post is the annoying plethora of slow covers by female singers with sultry voices. It was cool when one person did it, but now everyone does it, and they sound exactly the same. It’s like they’re trying to be deep with another person’s words, which ultimately shows that the meaning of cover songs have been lost. They used to be for fun and/or a tribute, but now it’s to get attention and/or sell things like Wrigley Gum and dumb, pointless features on an Iphone.
What would you want to hear while in a bar? A slowed down version of a song, creating a depressing cloud over what was once a fun night, only so the singer can get noticed by some drunk people who won’t remember anything anyway; or something fun and exciting or an amateur who really worked hard at learning Friends In Low Places or Bohemian Rhapsody, passionately expressing themselves and getting the entire bar involved? Neither is also a valid answer, but one is still better than the other.
On a personal note, I once won a t-shirt for my rendition of Oops, I Did it Again during karaoke night at a dive bar. Cool. Really cool.
“Now wait a minute, y’all; This dance ain’t for everybody, Only the sexy people.”
-Salt-n-Pepa, “Push It”
That title is a little on the vague side. I know many people exercise in many different ways. Some live at the gym, some take classes every day with little results, some are outdoorsy, some do yoga and Pilates, and some walk from the couch to the refrigerator and back a few times a night – remote or mouse clicking and phone poking have been found to cut a ton of calories. Don’t look that up; it’s not true.
I’m more of a traditionalist: I go to the gym each weekday for some basic lifting and cardio exercises, and then some outdoor activity on the weekends like soccer, volleyball, golf, or skiing (seasonal, duh). It’s a good balance, and yes, there was a time when I was obsessed, but I needed to lose weight and I did… and I’ve maintained it.
PERSON: What the hell do you know?
ME: I published a book on healthy living.
PERSON: So what? I’ve been working out for weeks now!
PERSON: That’s right, cool, why don’t you feel my abs?
ME: I don’t want to.
PERSON: Why not? They’re awesome!
ME: Because you’re really sweaty, like awkwardly sweaty, and you’re not an attractive girl, and though you’re abs are awesome, there’s still some good coverage so I couldn’t feel them anyway.
PERSON: You’re just jelly, bro.
I think there needs to be a revolution against the trendy Crossfit-like gyms that are still popping up all over – like weeds and breweries.
PERSON: Let’s go to Crossfit and then get a beer!
ME: I’m just going to get a beer.
PERSON: AHHHHHHH! I’m totally pumped!
Anyway, enough of that guy, he’s gone – he sprinted miles and through doors and walls to get to his session, probably kicked a baby somewhere along the way because it was moving too slow. I thought this obsession would fizzle out eventually after everyone ended up getting injured because they break their bodies down at an intense rate with very little recovery time. It was once a theory, then a fact, and now just an ignored statement. People are fixated, even when the workouts turn uber-stupid. I saw an instructor having his clients walk on rocks barefoot outside his converted-warehouse. What the hell is that going to do for anyone? Toughen their feet? Cause an infection? It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of dumb things (I look in the mirror every day). It’s not like we’re in Africa and the only way into the tribe is by walking over burning coals.
I think it’s come down to what are people actually trying to accomplish here? Not everyone can be in the Crossfit games or a Ninja Warrior. I’m not saying it’s not possible, I’m just saying it’s not worth it – literally. I don’t think anyone other than extreme exercise enthusiasts are actually impressed with people working out 16 hours a day and then showing off their abilities on daytime cable television or on a network like USA where the station is immediately switched once someone realizes their rerun of Law & Order: SVU or NCIS isn’t going to be on – all for a couple bucks. In addition, people who aren’t going to be participating in a bodybuilding competition need to stop training like they are. The only thing this is going to get you is some complaints and judgment because you’re hogging the mirror and weights or a lot of requests to help people move. People need to relax!
Listen, everyone can do whatever they want – I have likes that others won’t agree with as well – but I’m just suggesting that there needs to be a balance. You know the Canada Dry commercials with everyone exercising to the point where sweat is being flung all over the room and working so hard at the office that a paper cut or spilled coffee is bound to happen? No? Okay, maybe I watch too much TV, but that’s fine because the end of the commercial advises to relax harder.
I exercise and am outside a lot and I eat healthy, but I also relax and don’t eat healthy and drink beer and whiskey from time to time, and you know what, I still look and feel great. Find a balance, people, before you can’t do anything at all.